Archive for November, 2013

Date Night

Saturday, November 30th, 2013

Tonight we went on a date for the first time in over 3 months

A proper date night where you go for something to eat and then the cinema! The unfortunate thing was that we’d forgotten how busy, drunk and awful it is in town on a saturday night…..well, ok, we realised that we’d “got old”! Pickle was being safely babysat by Daddy P’s parents, with strict rules not to go in to her room and to phone us immediately if she became upset as we’d have dashed home. I was nervous about leaving her anyway but we’ve got to do it at some point and get a bit of our time back. Having already been out three times since Pickle moved in it helped that it wasn’t the first time but the first three times had been very close by and only for a couple of hours at the most. This was a 3 and a half hour stint, in to town and included the cinema which we then panicked about not getting a signal inside! We did though so disaster averted.

The anxiety of leaving her was exasperated even further by her being ill. She developed a cough yesterday and she’s got a slight temperature so it is “only” a cold and Daddy P had dosed her up in the day with calpol and just before we went out so we were hoping that the effects would at least last until we got back. And fortunately it did…..just! It’s 23:30 and we’ve just got in to bed having gone in her room (always a BIG risk!) to give her a last dose of calpol and then settle her with a bit of warm milk in her bottle. I went in to find her sitting up as she called to me looking hot and red cheeked, the last dose of calpol having definitely worn off, and wanting a cuddle which I gladly gave. She then spotted the milk and weakly cried for it, knowing it would sooth her poor throat but happily accepting the calpol first. We then had another cuddle while she started her milk, then I put her back down and she cuddled her teddy while drinking her milk and looking really sleepy and poorly. I kissed her goodnight and left the room again.

I’m now keeping my ears open for her getting upset but I think the calpol is taking effect and I’m hoping it will see her through until morning. Maybe somebody else would have stayed in with her or brought her in to our bedroom but I think to try and keep it as “normal” as possible first is the best way forward. I would love nothing more than to take her and hold her all night, cuddle her and let her sleep with us but my instinct tells me that it would be too disruptive to her routine.

So our date night has come to an end, not before we were ready (as I say, we’re getting old!) to look after our poorly daughter and I’m hoping that her calpol gets her to sleep before my very small glass of rosé wine sends me to the land of Bedfordshire….

And Daddy P seems to have pipped us both at the post, must have been the beer! 
© www.hoopsandhurdles.co.uk 2013 All Rights Reserved

What a Difference a Day Makes

Saturday, November 30th, 2013

I filled out a health visitor report 2 days ago for an 18 month old check list 

There were a lot of “yes” boxes that I ticked but there were also a few “not yet’s” and “no’s”. Not that I’m bothered in the slightest. I’m not worried about my daughter at all. The only thing she’s not doing at the moment is talking but she understands absolutely everything you say to her. And I am so proud of her, she’s come such a long way since she came to be with us 14 weeks ago. Her understanding of language is phenomenal. And, low and behold, no sooner had I ticked the “not yet” box for “is your child stringing 2 words together” she started doing it!

We were leaving the house and I always say “bye bye jack” (the cat) who I leave scoffing copious amounts of treats to keep him from thinking he’s a dog who wants to come for a walk every day! And as I closed the door Pickle lifted her arm, waved and said “baba ack”. I couldn’t believe it! I then repeated it several times while Pickle looked at me like I’d gone mad and, if she could speak more probably would have said “yeah, ok mum, you only need to say it once, duh”, while rolling her eyes of course!

The most amazing thing happened later on though when Daddy P came to pick us up from my Mum and Dad’s. He went out to get the buggy in the car and, as he left, she shouted “baba dadda”!!!! My Mum and I both looked at each other with wide eyes, laughed and I was jumping up and down screaming with delight and clapping. Meanwhile Pickle continued to toddle round doing her own busy little thing and kept repeating it – “baba, baba dadda, baba, dadda, dadda baba”! After the “rejection” (more the lack of ease) of Daddy P in recent weeks this had more meaning than it probably would have for anyone else and I was delighted. She then continued to say “dadda” over and over in the car as we drove away. I was beaming and so was Daddy P. A very happy moment.

As I lie in bed writing this piece I am listening to her practicing her talking. She’s saying “baba”, “papa”, “dadda”. She’s said so much more this week and it’s so exciting. She can say “mummy”, “mama”, “jack” (“Ack”), “nanny” (“nmmamnee”), “daddy”, “dadda”. It’s all there waiting to burst out. I literally cannot wait!

One thing we will miss, though, are her little noises. She squeaks and babbles and rolls her tongue. She does this little “ewok” type noise where she rolls her ‘R’s at the back of her throat, almost like a purr and it’s my favourite noise ever! If I ask her to “do her noise” she does that one for me, she knows, she’s a clever girl. And when she does it she smiles from ear to ear because I smile from ear to ear and clap and tell her how beautiful she is and how much I love that noise. It’s a moment in time that I want to capture over and over again before it’s too late and she can’t do it any more. And it’s when I write like this that I realise how much I love our little girl. She’s a delight and so so special. I am loving lying here listening to her chattering and babbling, talking to her toys, practicing her speech.

What am I worried about attachment for, connection and bonding? It’s there, it’s happening and now we’re on our way to living a normal, wonderful, crazy, hectic and fun life and I want to press pause for a moment to soak it up. Last night I cried because I was so worried about things. This morning I am smiling at how fantastic things actually are.

Total head chaos but I wouldn’t change it for the world! 
© www.hoopsandhurdles.co.uk 2013 All Rights Reserved

Four Seasons in One Day

Friday, November 29th, 2013

Or, in other words, we’ve had storms, sunshine, frost and blustery wind all in the space of 5 days

It’s been a messy sort of week with lots of different emotions each day and, quite frankly, my head feels like a hurricane has whirled so fast inside it that my brain’s been left in bits upside down and back to front. This is going to be somewhat of a messy post, a bit like my head at the moment.

The storms came in the form of, I suppose, me not feeling on top of the world (PMT!) and Pickle picking up on that. She’s a very astute little girl and there’s definitely a connection between us. We have a very similar sense of humour, funny and a bit bonkers, but she can also be a bit mardy which (yes, my hand is up!) I can be like too. So we do tend to pick up on each others moods quite a bit. When it’s good it’s brilliant, when it’s bad it’s miserable! Thankfully the storm this week only lasted one day and we both fought through it, with the help of my mum and dad who popped in and I burst in to tears and Pickle burst in to a smile. Thank goodness for nanny and papa! They are the blue sky in these occasional storms!

The frost comes in the form of rejection. Not total rejection, thankfully, but when Daddy P arrives home after she’s had a really positive day with me and then starts whinging, pushing him away and being clingy to me I find it heartbreaking. I do take comfort from the fact that they have a great day together when I’m working on a Saturday (usually 11 hours) so he gets a chance to get that attachment going. And he’s fine about it and takes a more pragmatic approach to it saying that time will sort it out. And I’m sure he’s right, it’s just hard to see outside when the frost is covering the windows.

But then the sunshine comes out and, if we’re really lucky, the fun of the blustery wind comes along. And we’ve had equal quantities of that this week too. I picked up and felt better and so did Pickle and tonight things felt really good. I’d got stranded at my Mum and Dad’s (2 buses refused the buggy!) so Daddy P had to pick us up. As soon as he walked in the door Pickle went up to him to show him something and he picked her up. She allowed him to hold her for an eternity without struggling to get down and then we all went upstairs to see the new carpets (exciting stuff) where she discovered her Nanny and PaPa’s bed and the fact she could fling herself all over it without hurting herself! We were all I’m stitches and then I had a go and she copied! It was a moment in time that I don’t want to forget. My Mum was laughing her head off, I was howling with laughter, Daddy P was chuckling and smiling from ear to ear and Pickle was beside herself screaming and squealing with delight and laughing her head off as she flung herself here, there and everywhere! It was magic.

They’re the sunshine moments which make the storms all the more easy to cope with. They’re the moments that make you think “I can do this, we’re doing alright”. She was so relaxed and confident having such fun! What’s happened this week hasn’t just happened this week. It happens every day and every week, it just sometimes seems more intense than others. At the moment I can see the skies clearing and feel a fresher breeze on my face. And even when the storms come again I’ll be watching out for that chink in the clouds with the blue sky.

And the sunshine beaming through. 

 

 

 

© www.hoopsandhurdles.co.uk 2013 All Rights Reserved

The Storm after the Calm

Tuesday, November 26th, 2013

In a complete reversal to the weekend of fun we had, today has been difficult 

And it really had nothing to do with Pickle. I suffer really badly with PMT and the pain (and the mood) that comes with it. Every month I have to take a combo of paracetamol and ibuprofen, regularly throughout the day to just get through and I get in such a state that actually all I want to do for 2, sometimes 3, days is go to bed, pull the duvet over my head and hug my scolding hot water bottle to ease the pain away. But I can’t do that any more. I have a daughter who is, gladly, on the go all the time. She’s so busy sometimes that I wonder if she shouldn’t be being paid for whatever task she’s up to! She’s busier than me most of the time. But, of course, this means I can’t wallow in self pity and weep with the pain I feel every single month!

I always knew this may be my sticking point and I’d discussed with Daddy P the plan to counteract this which included starting to take the pain killers before it even starts. But sometimes I’m just not in enough time and that’s what happened today. I woke up at 7:00 in agony so headed straight downstairs to down the pills. Too late, I’ve been in agony all day. I’ve slept twice, during both of Pickles naps and I’m still exhausted! She woke up whining and not on top of her world too so we both ended up grumpy and snappy, at one point she actually shushed me because I told her off for whining. She puts her finger to her lips and “shushes”! Quite funny really.

Anyway, during our first nap my mum and dad turned up, invited but early, and I answered the door, snapped at them, went to get Pickle up who’d been whining for 10 minutes and brought her down to see her Nanny and PaPa and her whole attitude changed…..and so did mine, eventually. She always loves to see them and seeing her so relaxed and content with them relaxes me so we ended up having a good chat and then had lunch and cups of tea.
A bit later I put Pickle to bed and mum and dad left so I went to bed and slept for another hour. I woke up feeling dreadful again but Pickle woke up feeling good (I could tell) so that made me feel better. It wasn’t long before Daddy P was home and we were all together again. I gave Pickle her tea, gave her a bath and put her to bed with no issues.

She’s an absolute star really and I need to see through the hazy mist that is PMT. It is the one thing that, potentially, could be a real issue and when you can no longer curl up in a ball and shut the world out its harder than ever before. So I’m stocking up with paracetamol, ibuprofen and a whole load more patience once a month for a week! Oh and the chip shop chips and massive galaxy bar helped tonight too!

PMT food heaven!  

 

 

 

© www.hoopsandhurdles.co.uk 2013 All Rights Reserved

First Birthday Party

Saturday, November 23rd, 2013

Today we took Pickle to her first birthday party invitation 

Daddy P had put her in her beautiful party dress and she looked amazing. Even at 18 months old she knows she’s dressed up and loves checking herself out in the mirror once she’s got an outfit on. And at the party she kept going up to people and stroking her dress to show them! Fortunately everyone picked up on this hint and kept saying to her how lovely she looked, which brought a smile to her face!

We arrived on time with a gift and a card and the disco lady had set up. Pickle was straight on the dance floor boogying away! She loves dancing and noise and people so she coped so well and was thoroughly enjoying herself. And for the first time I think we felt relaxed about “letting her go”!

It’s so hard when you’ve had attachment theory rammed down your throat for so long and, at 13 weeks in, it’s still early days. But you have to learn to relax and “let go” at some point. But then something did happen which really freaked me out. Pickle wandered up to a random woman and reached up, my heart started pounding, but fortunately she pointed to me and said “there’s mummy”! Phew. This woman doesn’t know me but I was relieved with how she’d dealt with it. But then I turned back to my friend and when I turned back…..she’d picked her up!!!!!

Heart in mouth, feeling sick and panicky I said to Daddy P “go and get her” but he was glued to the spot. I think we’re both so aware of attachment theory yet, at the same time we don’t want to come across as neurotic that we don’t know what to do in those situations. Some people may suggest that we stick to her like glue for the entire party but I don’t think that’s fair either. She’s such a confident, independent little girl that I don’t want to hinder that by being over (and unnecessarily) protective of her. Anyway, the friend who’s little girls party it was happens to be the friends who recommended us to the adoption charity we chose so understands everything totally and utterly and she just said “this will happen at parties, relax, she’s fine” and then told me to breath. I was fine (actually not really) but I felt much better once Pickle was back on the floor and dancing again which, within seconds, she was.  “Disaster” averted! But I really don’t think that woman should have picked her up (odd behaviour anyway!) and my body was telling me that something wasn’t right. Hyper alert? Maybe. But in some ways it’s a “good” feeling as I know I’m becoming truly attached to Pickle.

The rest of the party went so well, they had a little tea party and Pickle sat at the table with everyone else enjoying sandwiches, carrots and crisps and we even treated her to a chocolate donut which she shoved in her mouth and chewed it for an hour! After the party we were going to go home but our friends invited us back for a catch up, I was so pleased because these friends had led us to Pickle, without them she wouldn’t be with us, it’s as simple as that. So we went back and stayed for 4 hours. It was magic. We drank cava, Pickle and the birthday girl played together, we chatted, laughed, discussed, laughed some more and had a really good catch up. The girls had tea together and then Pickle borrowed some pj’s, dressing gown and slippers for the car so she could sleep on the way home, which she did, and we put her straight to bed (only after insisting we brushed her teeth which didn’t go down well!) and then we sank in to the sofa with nice food and X Factor. We were so proud with how the day had gone and how well we’d all coped with a bit of a different day, it couldn’t have gone any better. Finally I feel like we’re doing the things we should be doing and not worrying so much.

Finally we feel like a “normal” family. 

 

 

 

 

© www.hoopsandhurdles.co.uk 2013 All Rights Reserved

The Calm After The Storm

Friday, November 22nd, 2013

After two very busy and very full days all seems well again 

I’ve worked out I definitely need busy and full days to feel good and happy and normal. And so does Pickle. We’ve both loved the last two days. Yesterday we went to a “Reading and Rhyme” session at the local library at 10:00 which only lasts half an hour but it’s lovely. We then went to the co-op to do a but of shopping, home for lunch, bed for an hour nap (Pickle, not me!) and then off again on a walk to a friends house for a cuppa. A very sensible, down to earth friend who, while respecting the fact I know a lot about adoption, attachment, bonding and all those extra layers we have to deal with as adopters, helped me by talking to me on a normal level without dismissing the need for what we have to do. It was a breath of fresh air to hear her talk about how she parents, a style I have always respected which is how I knew I’d be but don’t, at the moment, feel able to do without feeling guilty, scared, worried, anxious….you get the picture. And she, along with her 3 children, were lovely with Pickle. In fact, it was the first time they’d met her but her 2 and a half year old kept calling her “my friend *pickle” *insert real name!

We stayed for 2 hours and I felt like I’d got my “normal” back. We walked back home (walking, something else I’ve missed and which makes me feel good!) in time for Daddy P to walk in, gave her tea, bathed her, put her to bed and then relaxed for the evening.

Today was much the same. We went to play group in the morning with another good friend and her little girl, then walked to my Mum and Dad’s, then got a bus to another friends for afternoon cuppa and catch up. Doesn’t sound much but when you have to get absolutely everything ready in the morning and cover for all eventualities as well as trying to keep her routine going even though we’re out the house it makes everything a lot more complicated, but that’s where my organisation (and perfectionism) comes in to its own. I’d given her milk for the journey in the morning, lunch for the walk to the folks, milk for the journey to my friends and nice nibbles for in between had she needed it. It worked a treat!

I actually feel proud of myself for the first time in quite a while. I feel like I can do this and do it our way and not worry so much, even though the anxiety is still there I’m learning to ignore it. And one day I will suddenly realise that the anxiety isn’t there and I’m just doing it, without thinking, maybe, when Pickle finally leaves home…..

…..but not until she’s at least 38! 
© www.hoopsandhurdles.co.uk 2013 All Rights Reserved

Musings at 13 weeks

Thursday, November 21st, 2013

The last few days have been a roller coaster of emotions 

It’s Thursday. Sunday was fantastic, a very positive day which I wrote about last. Monday was very odd as I thought, having had a really good day on Sunday, that I’d have another good one. I didn’t. I felt very low and Pickle was slightly difficult. I’ve come to the conclusion, as far as Monday is concerned, that both Pickle and I pine for Daddy P to be with us. We all had 8 and a half weeks together and I think that’s what we all miss, the 3 of us. But while Daddy P is at work with his mind taken off us (to a degree) we tend to wallow a bit. I need to put a stop to that.

Tuesday was very difficult. We got up and Pickle was not happy. Everything I was doing was wrong…that’s fine, it just gets wearing….and then we went swimming which was at 12:15. This went horribly wrong as the pool, for a second week running, was cold. I didn’t even bother to get Pickles feet wet. She gets cold very quickly so it wasn’t worth it so we got straight out and went home but she could tell the situation was wrong and, again, no matter what I did it wasn’t right. Once we got home I gave her lunch, which she didn’t eat, then put her to bed and I decided to go for a nap too, surprisingly sleeping for the 2 hours that Pickle did. I worked in the evening, didn’t get home into 22:00 so felt shattered!

Wednesday I went to my Mum and Dad’s and left Pickle with them for about 2 hours going off for lunch. By Wednesday, late afternoon, I felt dreadful. I felt down, miserable, low, teary, emotional and extremely sad but I couldn’t put my finger on it until I got home that evening after getting home from work at 21:00. I cried on the way home and I cried when I got home.

The big realisation came when I opened up and told Daddy P that I didn’t feel connected to Pickle as much as I wanted or expected to be at this stage. Thank goodness he wasn’t shocked. After only 13 weeks I’m expecting to be totally and utterly head over heels for another human being and it just doesn’t work like that. After thinking about it and talking it through with a couple of really good friends I realised that the process concentrates so fundamentally on the attachment of the child to you that it’s barely touched on, if at all, about you attaching to the child. It wasn’t until I thought this that it all started to make sense. You expect, as a new parent, to feel this overwhelming love for your child immediately. Even with a biological child that sometimes doesn’t happen. And as an adopter sometimes it does. But, for me, it’s beginning to look like it’s much more gradual. Pickle is adorable. We love her to bits, that is we feel awfully protective of her and we watch her like a hawk! I care about her deeply and feel like I want to wrap her up in cotton wool. Yet that deep seated love is yet to come. Is there something wrong? Absolutely not. It’s normal. It’d be very odd to fall head over heels in love with someone after such a short amount of time. Is it normal? Absolutely! I keep having to tell myself that.

I’ve also worked out that I need to fill my days. I’ve always been a busy person, working and seeing friends. I’ve done 13 weeks of not being “normal” and staying in far more than I’m used to. I’m now ready to spread my wings again and I feel confident that Pickle is ready to do the same. She loves socialising! She loves people and she thrives on that, she thrives on chatter and company and fun.

She’s just like her mum! 

 

 

 

© www.hoopsandhurdles.co.uk 2013 All Rights Reserved

Social Media

Tuesday, November 19th, 2013

In the social media age we live in now it’s all to easy to forget what life was like before it. 

I recently thought about how the people on there are supportive and how I don’t quite know what I’d have done without them through this process. But there is another side to social media that we all seem to forget from time to time and need to keep reminding ourselves of, particularly through adoption. It’s so important to remember that not everyone on social media is who they say they are. I have to say, maybe rather gullibly, that I do believe that a large majority of people I followed on twitter are who they say they are. I’d built up a relationship up with a lot of these people and they are (mainly) fellow adopters who just ‘get it’. That’s why the support is so invaluable.

The same goes for facebook and, of course, you know everyone on facebook personally anyway. But there are still risks attached to facebook. You put a photo up there, 40 friends ‘like’ that photo and all their friends potentially see that photo which can then lead in to hundreds of people you don’t know seeing your photo. Now think about putting a photo of your child up on facebook, your adopted child. 40 friends like it. They have 100 friends each. If they all see it that’s potentially 4000 people who have viewed that photo. How do you know that in that number of people that there isn’t somebody who will put 2+2 together and know who your child is and then work out who you are. It sounds paranoid and over the top but I’d rather be safe & secure than risk my daughters, or our, safety and protect our identities.

For this reason we took some decisions and put things in place to make our social media life as safe and secure as possible without losing out on being a part of it and continuing to gain support from friends, family and twitter;
Twitter:
1. Never use your real name, your location or post photos of yourself or your child.
2. If you do want to post photos use identity protecting ones, backs of heads only and no identifying landmarks, uniforms, road names in the background.
3. Pick an online name for your child and use it all the time. We chose Pickle thanks to one of my twitter buddies and everyone loves it!
Facebook:
1. Make your security settings as tight as possible. We deleted all profile and cover photos which identified us as these albums are always open to the public.
2. Change your surname. It’s only facebook after all, you don’t need to use your real surname. It’s highly unlikely that the birth family will find out your surname but human error and mistakes do occur and it has happened. And they will know your first names. If they then find out your surname they’d only have to tap it in to facebook search and you may be found.
3. Never, ever post photos. We made this decision for 3 reasons. The first being identity risk. The second being that we don’t think it’s fair for any child to have their photo splashed all over the internet anyway. How would you feel if, when you turned old enough to understand, there were hundreds of photos of you on the internet that you had no control over at the time. And thirdly, for that very reason, we feel that Pickle is far too special to go on a “flash in the pan”, fickle, shallow place such as facebook.
4. Don’t use the child’s real name in status’s. Again, we made the decision to carry the name we’d picked for twitter on to our facebook. All our friends “got it” immediately and started doing the same. They even call her that in real life sometimes!

All of the above works a treat. It makes you feel safe, secure and more relaxed in this social media frenzy! By all means do what you like with photos and names etc The above is just advice but is good for everyone, not just adopters. And all our friends totally love Pickles full made up name, it’s very cute, but of course, I can’t tell you what it is……

Well, I could but I’d have to kill you afterwards ;) 

 

 

 

© www.hoopsandhurdles.co.uk 2013 All Rights Reserved

The Best Day Yet

Sunday, November 17th, 2013

Today I had a lie in

Daddy P treated me to a long lie in as I’d had a really busy weekend of 11 hours work and travelling for ages on Friday night.
I already knew that Daddy P had had a really good day with Pickle on the Saturday and was really pleased, particularly after the horrendous experience on Tuesday (Rejection Day) but today was something else. I got up after about an hour of lying there not being able to go back to sleep (I never can, damn it! *shakes fist*) and went straight downstairs in my pj’s….it’s allowed on a Sunday!

What I was greeted by was, and this is going to sound very strange, a different child! Pickle has always been happy and smiley and funny (obviously when she’s not tantrumming) but this felt different somehow. Another shift in the dynamics. Another change in her and, maybe, even us! She seemed genuinely happy, content and was smiling, laughing, affectionate and seemed even more aware than she had previously appeared to be which, in itself, is amazing because we know she’s über aware anyway.

She somehow seemed much more settled, as if she now feels totally safe and connected to us. It was fantastic. I honestly noticed the shift immediately on going in to that room where she was playing with Daddy P and it was mind blowing and awesome and if you’d told me that that would happen I wouldn’t have believed you.

This wasn’t a gradual change. This was *bang*!!! In your face! And I’m still awestruck by it. We had a cracking day with her. She still went down for her morning nap, although I really wanted to keep her up to enjoy this happy little girl but she needs her quiet time/naps. And once she was up we had lunch and then went to see my Mum and Dad (Pickles Nanny and PaPa) and then went for a walk along the riverside with my Dad. Everything just felt right after the last 2 weeks where it just felt hard work. She’s also, definitely, had a cold or flu which has obviously made her feel very poorly and maybe teething as well and that is now gone. But today really felt like something else.

After the fantastic day we had she still had a tantrum when she decided she didn’t want her pj’s on but, having had such a great day, we felt better able to deal with it, and we did. She was just tired, we empathised that we knew she just wanted her milk and we just got on with it, admittedly both of us having to fold her in to the arms of her pj’s! But then she got her milk and went straight down, happy again.

Yes, today felt good. It felt right. And we felt strong and united. Pickle obviously feels loved, secure, safe, happy and cherished and that’s what makes this all worth while….

….even if she is pi**ed off about having her pj’s on! 
© www.hoopsandhurdles.co.uk 2013 All Rights Reserved

Rejection day

Friday, November 15th, 2013

I’m not going to dwell on this because it was horrific 

I’d had quite a good day today with Pickle but she’d whined quite a bit and I was looking forward to Daddy P getting home to “take over” for half an hour. He’d also just done his first early day having started his new hours of 08:00-16:30 which means he gets home at 17:00 so will have longer with Pickle. I was excited. He was excited. Pickle was definitely not excited!

As soon as he walked in the door there was a shift in atmosphere. Then, to cut a long story short, she screamed, cried, tantrummed, wailed, screamed some more and pushed him away for an hour and 40 minutes. It was definitely not nice. In the end Daddy P sent me upstairs because I was getting upset, getting in the way and was “there” too much, if that makes sense. It’s hard seeing your best friend get rejected like that and I struggled with it.

He managed, a while later, to calm her but only until he brought her upstairs to get her ready for bed and then it started again. It was horrific. We felt drained and that moment in time made us wonder what we’d done.

I can’t go in to it any more because I don’t want to re-live it, but it’s a moment in time which needs to be documented. It’s never going to be all hearts and flowers, less so in our situation, harder in our situation, we never expected it to be easy. But that rejection was something we’d not prepared ourselves for fully. We thought we had because we were told that it might happen but earlier than this, not 12 weeks in. People often talk of a honeymoon period with children, maybe we’d had our honeymoon and that signified the end of it.

We’ve talked about what happened and we’ve come up with some possible answers and some strategies but I don’t think we’ll ever really know why that happened. It may be that I gave him attention and she didn’t like it. It may be that she was trying to divide and conquer (she’ll never win that one!) It may be that she’d had a plan set in her mind and Daddy P walking in changed it and she wasn’t having it. Or it may be as simple as something like she was tired. Whatever the reason I hope it doesn’t happen again but, if it does, we will be more prepared.

We were just glad to get in to bed that night and sleep! 
© www.hoopsandhurdles.co.uk 2013 All Rights Reserved