Archive for December, 2013

The Week That Was

Friday, December 6th, 2013

This week has been a rollercoaster and a learning curve…..a steep one!

We’ve had joy, tears, laughter, tantrums, fun, rage and everything in the middle. We’ve also had colds, Pickle first and then Daddy P. I seem to have escaped it but feel tired from being busy so on my “not so therapeutic” days that hasn’t helped.

The week started well. Then it went horribly wrong where I was just so tired and Pickle was so miserable that I felt I couldn’t cope. I got lost in the cloud of toddler attitude and tantrums and couldn’t see any of that blue sky I like to see. After Tuesdays disaster (I shouted….because she hit me 6 times in the face!) I decided that I had to try and keep calmer, which is always hard when you’re being screamed at, but on Wednesday I managed it. I did a full on day of therapeutic parenting and I felt really pleased with myself that I’d stayed totally calm and not reacted…..but it’s exhausting.

This, I believe, resulted in the day we had on Thursday which was another disaster. I felt I couldn’t ignore the screaming, whining and crying any more but managed it ALL day until Daddy P walked in. I was expecting to be able to share the load but Pickle was having none of it and even smacked Daddy P in the face because he dared to come and give us both a hug while I was cuddling Pickle.

I did what we always do when she hits (which we are now learning is normally because she’s very tired and frustrated….but that does not make it easier to deal with!) and put her down on the floor to “calm down”. And it just went from bad to worse and in to a total disaster of screaming, crying, wailing and then me finally snapping and putting her to bed an hour earlier. Then the guilt arrives and I felt dreadful. We’d done nothing wrong, all I felt guilty for was not giving her attention for hitting and wailing but as an adopter having attachment rammed down your neck you just don’t know what to do for the best. I certainly don’t believe children should get comforted because they hit someone else but my adoption learning was really fighting my natural instinct of knowing I’d done the right thing in not “rewarding” her behaviour. We know now that it was because she was tired and at the end of her cold but taking her to bed at 5:30 just didn’t seem right…but she needed it. Within 5 minutes she’d gone to sleep and didn’t wake up until 8:00 this morning! She was obviously shattered. And I must remember my mantra when we have a bad day…

Tomorrow is always a new day.




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How Long Will I Love You

Monday, December 2nd, 2013

Ellie Goulding, can’t quite bear the girl, but her new song “How long will I love you” is our song to Pickle

I heard it last week for the first time while driving and immediately thought of our daughter. I then bought it and have been playing it ever since. But today was something else, something amazing.

Nearly every morning (every day at some point!) I dance with Pickle. Whether that’s both of us twirling separately on the dance floor (in the living room or her bedroom!) or holding hands and jigging, swinging our pants or me holding her with her head on my shoulders, which she seems to love the most, we dance. And this morning I put this song on and carried her around the room with her head on my shoulder while I sang the song to her. But then she pulled back and within a split second I just thought she’d had enough so went to allow her down but she just pulled her head away, leant back and looked straight in to my eyes, for ages! It was like she’d really connected to the words in the song and understood what I was singing to her. It was a magical, close, lovely moment and I’ll never forget her deep, beautiful brown eyes looking at me powerfully in those few seconds. She then laid her head back down on my shoulder and enjoyed the rest of the song.

And in answer to the question, “How long will I love you”?




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