First Illness

I have amazed myself that I haven’t been ill before now! 

We’re 4 months in and I’ve not had even a whiff of a cold. This is how my body is and always will be. It keeps on going, much like the Duracell bunny, and then all of a sudden it’ll stop, dead in its tracks, with no power left. And that’s how it’s felt for the last couple of days.

I’ve obviously had some sort of virus and, god, has it sapped me of all energy. It picked a good time. Just in the new year, very quiet, nothing to do…and sods law feeling better just in time for my 10 hour day at work tomorrow – typical. But I feel like it [my body] wanted to get me over some rather large hurdles and challenges before it crashed; Meeting Pickle, moving in, settling her in, settling her in some more, connecting, working hard to make her feel safe and secure, settling her in even more, introducing her to certain people, settling her a little bit more…..and then Christmas!

We got through it though, my body and me, but this was the time it wanted to go “hey, my turn for a rest”. And it got what it wanted.

What’s surprised me, more than anything, is that when you don’t feel you can do it (parent perfectly) it’s amazing how when you’re ill that you realise you are, in fact, doing a bloody marvellous job! When you feel you’ve got no reserve left there’s a little bit more left, right at the back somewhere, that you pluck out when you most need it. And that’s what I realised the adoption process is looking for in someone.

No I’m not perfect. Yes I may have snapped a little when Pickle chose to moan at me for an entire day when I was ill and I felt I didn’t have the energy to do anything about it other than snap back. But, you know what, it wasn’t all day and it wasn’t bad. It was just a moment or two where I acted, god forbid, like a human being.

I moaned because I was tired and I whined because I was ill. It happens. It just made me realise that, most of the time, I do a much better job than a lot of people and I don’t assume I’m doing a great job all the time. It also reminded me to ease up on myself and stop applying pressure all the time to be so fantastic that I’ll wear myself out.

And finally (but not least) it reminded me just how lucky we are to have Pickle in our lives. She is absolutely amazing, even when I’ve been ill. And she’s human too so she’s had her moments but on the whole she’s brilliant! And I need to keep going if only for her, even if I get ill, I know now that I can do it.

Now, pass me a couple of new batteries and I’ll be on my way! 

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