Day 10

We’re now on our second Saturday so it’s been 10 days but it feels like a lifetime

At the moment I can’t quite work out whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing. We’ve had some fantastic times but we’ve also had some dreadful, hard, tiring, exhausting, over emotional times where you can’t see the wood for the trees, can see no end in sight and want to, feel like, at moments, giving up! This morning was another dreadful one. Daddy P (my new nickname for him…Mummy P for me!)) has had a cold so feels really rough and hasn’t slept properly for a few nights because of it. I feel down in the mornings, especially when pickle is whining from the moment she wakes and we’re bored of saying no to certain things (the TV is like a magnet to her!!!!) I know that sounds pathetic but when you’re contending with all sorts of big things (bonding, attachment, keeping routine and doing it alone!) it’s the little things that really get to you very quickly. And it’s hard to not get irritated by stuff when you haven’t bonded completely yet.

That’s where the confusion about how long she’s been here comes in. It feels like years because she’s a joy! She’s an absolute superstar and when she’s in routine, eating, smiling, playing and laughing it feels like she’s been here years and that really helps the bonding part! But when she starts whining and having her tantrums you find yourself right back at the 10 day mark and feel like you could give up. It makes it sound like we’d give up at the first sign of trouble but, of course, we wouldn’t. She is our daughter and we’d never give up on her, just like if she was our birth child. But, by this point in a families life you have had 15 months to bond, attach and get used to each other so, even though you may still get annoyed by the whining the “love” is there already. We do love her a lot, but at moments like this it’s hard to ‘like’.

And that, I believe, is the same as any other child. So actually, perfectly normal! 




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