Day 5

Today was really tough. I wasn’t sure why to start with but soon realised

Our daughter woke up and she was relatively cheery but kept whining and moaning and getting all niggly. This, I realised quickly, was an extension of how she’d been the day before and I also realised that my patience was a bit thin on the ground! I felt guilty then but I couldn’t help how I felt. She continued to be moody and making whining noises between smiling and being cheery. As soon as she was happy I became more relaxed, but as soon as the whining started I became tense and irritated. Again, feeling guilty. How could I feel so annoyed when this is what we’d fought so hard for for 3 years. How could I begin to not want her around me after everything we’ve been through.

Then I decided to turn to my twitter buddies again. They’ve been an absolute godsend and I truly don’t know what I’d have done without them. I have an anonymised account on there for all my adoption stuff and I started it a year ago when we started the adoption process. I may be anonymous on there but everything I write on there is exactly how I’m feeling! I’m probably more honest on there than with anyone because the amazing people on there are living our life and have done for longer than us, even if it’s the people who have “only” been doing it for a few months. I’ve even met someone on there who is pretty much at the stage we’re at so we support each other in different ways.

Anyway, I digress. Whenever I have a problem or a worry I run to twitter and there’s always someone there offering advice, support, love and, most of all, complete and utter understanding of the situation we, as adoptive parents, are in and how difficult and alone you can sometimes feel, even with a plethora of friends with children.

I tweeted, desperately, about how to deal with it. I won’t go in to it in detail because a fellow blogger described it perfectly at the exact moment we needed help, but what I will say is that as an adoptive parent I think you do look more closely at your children’s behaviour than that of a birth parent. Sometimes that’s good, sometimes that’s really bad. I want to be perfect but that’s never going to happen, but I do want to do all I can to help our daughter get through these tough days/months of change. We didn’t know whether to cuddle her at every tantrum, whine or whinge or wether to leave her for a while. We didn’t want to ‘damage’ her either way. I suddenly realised I was very scared of doing the wrong thing. My tweeps came back with a wealth of experience, advice and tips and it helped hugely! We decided to continue to reward good behaviour and celebrate achievements as well as cuddle her when she really cried. But decided to try and ignore the whining and whinging, we really don’t want to create a rod for our own backs. And I think this would have really worked………if it wasn’t for the fact we’d looked far too deeply in to the ‘problem’.

You see, after all that, the moment our LO “filled her nappy” she was completely and utterly back to her normal, cheery, happy-go-lucky self and it hadn’t occurred to us that this might be the problem! Talk about thinking too deeply! Bless her, she hadn’t ‘been’ for 60 hours. We did know this and had been giving her prune juice (small doses in her milk) to try and help her, but we hadn’t put 2 + 2 together with her mood and the need to go. I know change of environment and water/food can have an effect so we’re not surprised but, bless her, she did feel better afterwards! The change was astounding! Now we know I don’t feel I’ll be so impatient….and I still feel guilty!

If you’re going to use prune juice get the good stuff (pure, not from concentrate, and give 1 tsp at a time up to 3 times a day. That’s what we did and it worked a treat. Too much and you can give them really bad tummy ache and you’ll definitely “know” about it!  
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