Day 8 – Survival by cake

This morning was my worst morning yet

I could quite easily have given up. I felt I was failing because I was letting her whining get to me so much (and so quickly!) and that I could quit now. Actually, what I have to remind myself of all the time is that we’ve got it relatively easy. She is a dream child, naps in the morning and afternoon, sleeps through the night and is very very easy to put to bed. She brushes her teeth, puts her arms in clothes, the straps of her buggy and high hair with no fuss, tries to put her shoes on (and her socks which makes for interesting viewing) and laughs a lot (as long as it’s ‘her’ humour!) she barely watches tv, loves fruit and vegetables and drinks water, herself, like there’s no tomorrow! What could we possibly not be coping with?

It’s the emotional stuff. My husband, the thinker, suggested (quite sensibly) that it was because we hadn’t bonded with her yet. At the moment, he said, she is still just a visitor in our house. Insightful or what?! I don’t know what I would do without him to be honest. And he’s right. We haven’t got that bond yet, we don’t “love” her yet. How can we after only 12 days of knowing her? That would be a bit weird right? And that’s the sort of insight that makes me feel better. Feel normal. Not feel so much of a failure. We’re supposed to be excited, happy, glowing with pride and enjoying every single split second of this journey that we wanted. But it’s simply not like that. It’s not all a bed of roses, lush green grass, blue skies and sunshine (although it has been a damn hot & muggy summer!) No, it’s hard, tough, draining, exhausting and emotional. But none of that is physical. It’s all to do with us trying to bond with her and feel like a complete family unit. And that’s going to take a while, weeks, possibly months. But, now I know that, I don’t feel so guilty about how I feel. I don’t feel quite such a failure.

Now where’s that second slice of cake…..
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