Where do we start with this.

How do I condense a years worth of hard work, interviews, homework, tasks, blood, sweat and tears (ok, just the tears) in to a few paragraphs? As I mentioned earlier, the total number of hours we put in to everything, so far, has been just under 70 hours. This includes the home study interviews, homework, prep groups, activity day and nursery sessions. The home study is the bit where you’re social worker comes to visit you in your home and chats. That’s actually the really nice part. We quite enjoyed this part of it. You talk, mainly, about yourselves. Your childhood, your parents, your family, your friends, your history, anything significant that you feel has happened in your life.

None of this has affected our ability or their decision to allow you to adopt, we felt we just had to demonstrate that we’d worked through life experiences and understood certain aspects of what might trigger certain emotions in the future. Our SW would come round in the evening at about 6:00 and we’d put the kettle on, make a cup of tea and chat….for hours! I think the longest she was here was 4 hours one evening. But it just seemed to fly by because we get on with her so well. She wasn’t judgmental, stern, officious. It was like having a friend round and having a really good natter but about really serious stuff, although we did do a lot of laughing as well when we were reminiscing. It was just what we wanted (and needed) in this process. We’d been through enough to have to put up with anyone coming in our home and outwardly judging us.

Anyway, we had to do all sorts for our homestudy. One of the things she got us to do was a Mr & Mrs quiz where we had to answer for each other….and we got every single question spot on! Phew! Didn’t win any prizes though, which I was a bit disappointed about.

We had to do a lot of other things like our family tree, eco tree, discuss parental messaging, chronologies, medical, health and safety checklist, pet assessment, finances, references. And, after the prep groups, we had to discuss case studies of children, how they might be affected, what problems or issues you may see arising and teaching us to read reports properly.


The whole homestudy thing has actually been really interesting. We have dredged up happy memories, horrible memories and everything in the middle but on the whole it’s been really cathartic and it reminded me that, whatever we’ve been through, we’ve survived….so we’re going to survive this!



Parental messaging;

These are the messages each of your parents give you about various subjects, as you grow up, through their own behaviour, verbal messages and their actions. These can include food, diet, your body and relationships. This link explains it better.

Are you messages getting through?



This is a list of significant events, people, deaths and experiences in your life written down in a chronological order starting from your very earliest memory. Mine is from 18 months old! I found this really interesting and very cathartic. It’s amazing what you remember and the little stories you add in as you go. I thought I’d finished on several occasions only to go back and add more in. It became a standing joke with our SW that we always filled everything out above and beyond what was expected of us. But we were happy to do that. The whole process is very intrusive but we didn’t feel this particular aspect of it was intrusive in the literal sense of the word. Just that we had to tell them everything about our lives…..and you don’t have to do that when you have a baby. We just found it interesting and it was nice because it also enabled us to remember the people who’d been in our lives who are now not with us.

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