Nursery Nightmare

What’s bothering me? I’m confused, angry, my mind is whirring and I can’t relax.

I’ve had my first “parents evening” at nursery. It has left me feeling deflated, sad, scared and anxious. Their interpretation of her “behaviour” is classed as “defiant”, “whirlwind” and that she encroaches on other children’s personal space and that she’s told to “keep her hands to herself” and “doesn’t sit down to eat her lunch”.

I was shocked reading it and felt a cold chill down my spine. Deflating inside and starting to feel the sadness that would follow me home, getting heavier as the night wore on, I tried to articulate the evening to Daddy P but I couldn’t. All I could say was that I felt sad.

24 hours later and I’m a little closer to understanding why I feel like I do because I’ve spoken to a friend and my mum and dad as well as Daddy P and our social worker (It’s the first time I’ve called the adoption agency for help since the AO came through, that’s how confused and upset I am) and they’re all angry.

You see, our daughter is 3 and a half. Yes she chews pencils, while looking at us, to check our reactions. But is that defiant? No, it’s pushing the boundaries.It’s normal! 

Yes she gets up and down constantly while she’s eating her meals and we’re trying to nip that in the bud but, really, is that a huge issue? No. It’s normal!

And yes, she strokes people’s hair and hugs them and touches them. Is she being violent? No. Is she being aggressive? No. Is she being tactile and loving and caring and kind and gentle? Yes. It’s normal!

So why say to a 3 and a half year old “keep your hands to yourself” when what they should be saying is “some people don’t like to be touched, come on why don’t we play over here?”. Yet when discussing this with the nursery teacher she said “we know she’s being kind and loving, it’s not that we want to knock out of her”. And it’s at this moment in time I’ve remembered that being said. It always amazes me how much you don’t hear at the time it’s said because it’s so shocking and unexpected but you take it in all the same because, somewhere along the way, you’re going to have to face the fact that it’s simply not good enough.

My 3 and a half year old daughter is not defiant. She is not a whirlwind. She is not violent and aggressive. She is a fun, loving, determined, strong willed individual and I’m glad she is. She went through hell as a baby. She’s fought for her life to be here and where she is today. She’s absolutely brilliant and nobody is going to knock anything out of my daughter, ever! I’m angry. I’m still not thinking clearly enough because I’m so confused and baffled by what happened last night at the meeting. But what I am clear on is that I have got to protect my daughter from ignorant and lazy “professionals” and I need to make sure they don’t do any more damage to my strong, beautiful, kind, caring, brave, confident and charismatic daughter who wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her fighting spirit.

Fuck the people who don’t understand and don’t “get it”. I know our daughter. I know what’s best for her and I’m going to make damn sure I’m listened to.


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