The Calm After The Storm

After two very busy and very full days all seems well again 

I’ve worked out I definitely need busy and full days to feel good and happy and normal. And so does Pickle. We’ve both loved the last two days. Yesterday we went to a “Reading and Rhyme” session at the local library at 10:00 which only lasts half an hour but it’s lovely. We then went to the co-op to do a but of shopping, home for lunch, bed for an hour nap (Pickle, not me!) and then off again on a walk to a friends house for a cuppa. A very sensible, down to earth friend who, while respecting the fact I know a lot about adoption, attachment, bonding and all those extra layers we have to deal with as adopters, helped me by talking to me on a normal level without dismissing the need for what we have to do. It was a breath of fresh air to hear her talk about how she parents, a style I have always respected which is how I knew I’d be but don’t, at the moment, feel able to do without feeling guilty, scared, worried, anxious….you get the picture. And she, along with her 3 children, were lovely with Pickle. In fact, it was the first time they’d met her but her 2 and a half year old kept calling her “my friend *pickle” *insert real name!

We stayed for 2 hours and I felt like I’d got my “normal” back. We walked back home (walking, something else I’ve missed and which makes me feel good!) in time for Daddy P to walk in, gave her tea, bathed her, put her to bed and then relaxed for the evening.

Today was much the same. We went to play group in the morning with another good friend and her little girl, then walked to my Mum and Dad’s, then got a bus to another friends for afternoon cuppa and catch up. Doesn’t sound much but when you have to get absolutely everything ready in the morning and cover for all eventualities as well as trying to keep her routine going even though we’re out the house it makes everything a lot more complicated, but that’s where my organisation (and perfectionism) comes in to its own. I’d given her milk for the journey in the morning, lunch for the walk to the folks, milk for the journey to my friends and nice nibbles for in between had she needed it. It worked a treat!

I actually feel proud of myself for the first time in quite a while. I feel like I can do this and do it our way and not worry so much, even though the anxiety is still there I’m learning to ignore it. And one day I will suddenly realise that the anxiety isn’t there and I’m just doing it, without thinking, maybe, when Pickle finally leaves home…..

…..but not until she’s at least 38! 
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