Utter Emotional Exhaustion

I am forcing myself to do this blog

I don’t want to and I’m not in the mood but it’s been a while and I think I need to write a few bits down to remind myself how brilliant things actually are. I’m tired. No. I’m exhausted. But it’s me who’s exhausting myself. I want to be perfect for Pickle. But I can’t be. Not all the time.

You know how I worked this out? Today I laid down on the sofa. I was so tired I fell asleep while Pickle had her nap and when I woke up I still felt tired. I stumbled upstairs to take her out her cot thinking “I must wake up, I must bounce in to her room ready to be cheery and funny and then bring her downstairs and teach her things and talk all the time and do flash cards and practice words and sounds of letters and sounds of animals and tell her what she’s having for tea and getting straight on it and sitting her at the piano so she can experience music and put music on so we can dance and then I will let her choose several books so I can read to her and then we can play for a bit and maybe even teach her to use a new toy that’s she’s not played with yet because that’ll be really good for her development *takes breath*

Just typing all that out has exhausted me. I bet reading it has!

But I didn’t do any of that. I was SO tired I just gently held her as we walked downstairs, explained that I was tired, that I’d put on CBBees for her and I laid on the sofa. I was too tired to worry about attachment. I was too exhausted to think about having a conversation with her, practicing words or playing. I just lay there, comfy and cosy on the sofa….and you know what, we had the loveliest hour! She didn’t choose to watch the tv on the floor in front of it, she didn’t choose to watch it from the other chair. She didn’t choose to go and play on the other side of the room or cuddle her teddies. Nope! She decided that she would sit with me…..no, not with me, on me!

She scrambled all over me, sat on my head, lay on my back, danced on my legs, walked up and down my back and bounced on my head! She chose to have that contact with me while we were both relaxed and resting. It was an amazing moment of true attachment and bonding which was born out of me reaching my tipping point for exhaustion. And it was lovely. I loved seeing her tiny little feet keep appearing in front of my face, toes wiggling while she got herself comfy to watch Mr Tumble.

I honestly think that you have to think you’ve reached the end of your reserves before you realise that, in fact, you’re doing an amazing job! I will now no longer feel guilty about just taking it a bit easier and simplifying things a bit. It doesn’t have to be complicated.

Imperfection is perfection!

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.